Regrets
by Jazmin.Salazar
Summary: Sequel to My Life must read that one first! Then it hit me I was in LOVE with Hermione Granger...... That was the start of my cold cruel life.


Hey okay you guys asked for it, so here it is! Must read My Life first!Its in Harry's Point of view

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Title: Regrets 

Author: Black Demon Angel

_I see your smile_

_Till the end of time_

She has been living with that illness for along time and it made me feel like shit knowing that I haven't spent time with her this year. It hurts to know that I'll never hear her laughter, see her smile or see her roll her eyes at me again. I feel numb and cold as my tears make there way down my cheeks. I can't look, as they bury her by the cherry blossom tree she had always loved. I feel as if someone had taken away the blanket of security that has been around ever since I meet her, and now I have to face the world alone for the first time in six years.

_All of my memories keep you near_

I remember the day I met her. She was helping Neville find his toad, Trevor. She had walked in my compartment asking if we had seen it. That was the first time I saw her. Her brown hair was so bushy and her eyes sparkled with knowledge. She was always beautiful in her own way. She had always risked her life for mine. You know the old saying "You never know what you have until you lose it." Well it's true I guess, I always though that she would always be there.

_In silent moments_

Just because of that thought I yelled and snapped at her every time something didn't go right. I never said I was sorry. I feel a hand snap me out my thoughts, it was Ginny. I moved out of her touch and ran away. I ran and ran but was stopped by Dumbledore. By the look on his face, I knew I had to follow him. We walked, but I wasn't paying attention I became lost in my thoughts again.

_Made me promise I'd try_

_All of my memories keep you near_

_In silent moments_

Hermione...sweet Hermione, she was always innocent and loving. I always wanted her out of harms way. But she made me promise I wouldn't interfere. I again had crash into Dumbledore. I looked around to see that we were in the Griffindor common room. Some how he knew I needed to be closer to her so he took me up to the room she shared with her fellow roommates. He opened the door and everything had been clean out; all that was left was her stuff. I walked to her bed; it was just like they found her on. Messy yet clean and it still had her scent lingering around. It smelled like books, vanilla and raspberries. As I walked towards her desk, I stepped on a teddy bear. It was brown and worn out, I picked it up and noticed it was a bit damp and smelled like her. Automatically I hugged it and let my tears fall. I find myself curled up on the floor as my body trembles and tears continue to fall. I felt that even with the teddy bear I wasn't close enough.

_To find my way back in this life_

_I hope there is a way_

I then noticed a book stuck between the mattress and the base of the bed. I carefully took it out and noticed that it was worn out yet in very good condition. I quickly dried my tears and put the book in my lap. It had the title 'My Memories' and was written in Hermione's script. I careful open it the first page had a letter and it read-

_**Dear reader,**_

_**Welcome to my memories. My name is Hermione Granger and I was born with a secret so bad not even the devil would be able to stand or handle it. My memories aren't sweet or wonderful or even happy. So I am giving you a chance to put this down and pretended you never saw this.**__**Very well I warned you. So you may proceed.**_

_All of my memories keep you near_

I continued reading. I don't know how long I sat their in her room. I felt cold and numb every time I turned a page. I couldn't help but think that Hermione was very nice even though she went through what she did. I think to her I was a total ass. I was rude and a total jerk that had something stuck up it his ass.

_In silent moments_

How ironic that I was the one with the emotional problem. But the entry that caught my attention was the one of October 18. That entry was written three years ago. It showed how loyal she was even with her own problem; she always thought of me first. The entry went-

_**Hi Reader,**_

_**It seems as if you made it this far. Okay, yes I know it's been awhile but here goes nothing. In my last entry I talk about how my brother was killed. The police some how got some new information. It turns out that they found a symbol of a dagger through heart craved in the closet, but next to it, something was written and that worried me. There was a message and it said 'the one to destroy family of Salazar's was to be victorious to the next line to take the crown over' of course the police couldn't read it. It worries me mostly because that is the symbol of revenge and power. The dagger was nearly an edge of going completely through the heart. That means that they have to kill almost every relative that knows the secret. I want to be dead before they get me because then I wouldn't hand them the power nor secret. I wish I could tell my friends, maybe they could help me. But no, I can't bring them into so many problems. Anyways, Harry has a problem with Voldie shorts ha-ha. He needs me to help carry that burden not add to it. Yes I know you are thinking reader, it is I who needs the help. Yes I agree but I can handle myself after all I am a big girl. Until next time Reader.**_

_**Hermione Alex Jean Granger**_

_Imagine you'd be here_

No matter how many times I read that passage it showed that she did have a bigger secret, and no matter how much help she needed she wouldn't tell anyone.

_Together in all these memories_

You know ever since I finished reading this, people have been knocking on the door. I wouldn't answer, I would stayed were I was. I carefully got off the floor and sat down on her bed. I lied down and remember her and all the good and bad times as I hug the teddy closer.

_All of my memories_

Like the in first year she help me with the potion riddle, with out I would have died. And then in second year even though she was under the effects of being petrified, she still managed to help me out. Or how about during third year, when I had gotten mad at her for having my Fire bolt taken away, just because Sirius Black was on the loose. She was right of course, but that wasn't necessary for me to get mad over. And yet on top of that she still helped me out in rescuing him. Then there's fourth year when everyone including Ron, didn't believe me about the Goblet incident, yet she did. Or how about last year when she tried to get me not to go to the Department of Mysteries because she thought it was a trap. She knew it and yet still put her life on the line again. And when she got attacked during the Department of Mysteries, I remember I couldn't breathe when I thought she was dead. I didn't know what would have happened if she had died in that moment.

_All of the memories I hold dear_

I guess I know now as I let the tears run. I feel so empty, so much torture. I need to say sorry to Hermione some way. The idea came so quickly in my mind that before I knew it I was running through the common room, despite the questions people asked, down the tower and in front of the Cherry blossom tree with Hermione's teddy in hand. I look at the head stone it said-

_Hermione Alexandra Jean Granger_

_Loving friend and student, Smartest witch of her age maybe since Rowena Raven claw. _

_Born September 19 1980- January 8 1996_

_We shall never forget thy_

_You were my savior in my time of need_

I just kneeled in front of her tomb. Tear still falling down, I open my mouth to speak but nothing comes out except a sob. I try to calm down, I take a deep breath in. "Hermione I know you can't hear me but I just have to get this off my chest." I breathe and continue "I'm sorry for everything, for not caring about you this year, for putting you in danger and for so much more. Did you have to leave, did you? Hermione, can you come back? Please I want you back, I want to be able to hug you or just hear your voice or nagging me for not doing my homework. Something please!" I begged until my voice cracked and sobs took over my body. I didn't care that it was cold and that the ground was covered in snow. I just didn't, once I calmed down I continued "You know I lost so many people my parents, Cedric, Sirius and now you. They didn't affect me so much mostly because I didn't really know them but you…you were always their when I need you. You were my fucking best friend and I can't figure it out what I did wrong. Hermione please forgive me." I sit the teddy down and conjure a dozen Jasmines' and put them down to. I kiss the head stone.

_All the whispers, the warnings so clear_

I get up and walk away a few steps and turn around and say 'goodbye'. I continue my walk to the castle. As I enter the Gryffindor common room, people try to stop me and then Ginny turns me around and threatens to me that if I don't stay she'll hex me. I couldn't take it anymore I explode. "LET ME GO GINNY! DON'T EVER TALK TO ME AGAIN! WE ARE SO OVER! AND WILL YOU GUYS LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE! GOD, DON'T YOU GUYS GET THAT I JUST LOST THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON IN MY LIFE! HUH? LEAVE ME ALONE!" I quickly go to her room, slam the door and climb into her bed.Then it hit me I Harry Potter was in LOVE with Hermione Granger. I just to late so all I could do was hug her sheets around me tightly just to smell her scent. I cried myself to sleep. That was the beginning of my cold cruel life.

_There's no escape now_

_No mercy no more_

_Could have been forever_

_Now we have reached the end_

A/N: So what do you think? Review Please! There are two song lyrics here. The one without THE UNDERLINE is called Memories by within temptation. The lyrics are not in order. The one with Underline is called Angels also by within temptation. Lyrics are not in order. Review!

B.D.A


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